home
I went on a vacation back to Ohio, where it all started. I mean it was nice but so much happened in the period of 3 weeks. Things change mostly for the better. All things happen for a reason if it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be, right? I knew nothing would happen between me and erik I mean, I live on the other side of the united states but, why lead me on? Then leave me high and dry. Erik no longer talks to me. No texts, comments, messages. nothing. It’s depressing I don’t think anyone realizes how much it hurts me to lose a friend. Erik and I could have stayed friends but he couldn’t even stand to see me becuase “It would hurt him too much” I know, you can’t have me but please be my friend erik. I’m banned from my best friend, kara’s house. My mom, aunt don’t like the enviroment there. They don’t trust me. It’s depressing I can’t ever see my best friend or her family. I love all of them. Yeah, kara’s house smells like smoke and her boyfriend lives there SO WHAT? My aunt said “her and her boyfriend are always bangin” SHE DOESN’T EVEN KNOW. Kara has morals. I mean what the hell are you thinking talking shit about my best friend to me? Please, you act like her house is hell. It’s ridiculous. I’m tired of losing everything I love. My mom moved me from my favorite town, house to a new house, a stupid town. I want to be able to make my own decisions but I can’t becuase I’m a “stupid teenager”. I don’t go to church anymore I’ve figured out the reason why, If god loves everyone equaly why did he let my Sarah Boo die? Why did he take her? I wish someone could answer these without adding the fact that she commited suicide which, is a crime apparently. If God was actually there why did he make her life hell? making her want to leave? I tried my hardest to be there I was there for her but now, she’s gone. I don’t even care. I’ve figured out that if I didn’t have a family that actually cared, I would have killed myself a long time ago. People need me here. The world is a horrible place. Everyone has to be dicks, bitches. It hurts me that I can’t do anything to get anything nice in return. I haven’t ever had a boyfriend who has been nice to me. I always get treated like shit. Shit happens to me all the time. I feel like giving the whole world the finger. just, fuck off. Ohio was nice, I missed my cousins. I had a good time. Erik ignoring me bothered me though. I really liked him as a person. He was a cool guy. and Now, I just don’t even care about anything. Erik drew all over kara’s wall and I painted over almost everything. I painted “erik is a jackass” on the wall and painted over his signature. and wrote mazzy everywhere. I’m thinking of changing my name to mazzy but, Katie Ludlum has so much Ludlum pride in it. Like, fuck yeah I’m a Ludlum Katie mother fuckin Ludlum.
